Haha.

Anyway.

This morning I got an email update from Emily’s blog, and it led me to this post.

It was totally what I needed, as I mentioned in my quick update this morning.

One part that REALLY struck me was this sentence:

You overlook the story of a quiet and insecure teen who doesn’t speak because you won’t listen.

That is pretty much ME.

Over the last few years, I’ve realized that the reason “it’s always the quiet ones” is because the quiet ones are afraid.

I know this because I AM one of those quiet ones.

I don’t say much.

I prefer to listen, observe, think, learn.

I bottle my emotions up inside, or write them out where people may or may not see them. (See “Notebooks don’t judge” on my About page!)

I’ve decided over the years that when I talk, people stare at me funny when I speak.

So I don’t speak unless I have to.

Quiet ones are afraid of rejection.

We trust very few people, feel comfortable only alone or in very small groups of people we trust.

When we do open up, it’s to those we fully trust.

If we open up to someone and they “reject” us (something that we take as rejection, be it staring or laughing or something else), we get upset. We fear more rejection, and so clam up further and hate people for a while.

Sometimes, the anger bottled inside (with others or ourselves) explodes. Something small will set us off, and we’ll release the anger in a rush.

We yell.

We punch things (or people).

We cry.

In my case, HOLD BACK the tears as long as possible.

Something, anything to get rid of the anger that’s been boiling inside for so long.

It’s how we work.

And we get ignored to begin with.

Kind of a weird cycle.

But we’re quiet because we’re afraid.

So, this post really affected me.

I really need to get into people’s lives more, not just pass them by.

I’m hoping this fall with Junior High that I’ll be a bigger part of their lives, that they’ll be more open with me, that they’ll see me as someone they can come to with their problems, and not just as the girl who sits in the back of the room trying to keep them silent while the youth pastor talks.

So. My sharing for the night. 🙂

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