Okay, so that’s not the actual title of the song, but it’s part of the lyrics, and I like it.
The Glorious Unseen is super cool.
And I get to see them LIVE in about a week!!
I just learned of them a few weeks ago when our youth pastor informed us that we’re going to their concert in place of Youth Group stuff on a Wednesday.
And they remind me of Tenth Avenue North, so they’re cool by default.
Back to Forever Holy.
What’s hitting me tonight is this part:
I guess it’s just hard to believe
the grace You poured out on me.
I guess I’m just starting to see
how You’re working in me.
This is where I am right now. I’m beginning to see things happening in my life, in my head, in my heart, that weren’t there before.
Or maybe they were, and I hadn’t figure it out yet.
And it’s for the better.
This is so overwhelming: You’re forever holy. God of my salvation, pour Your life into me/clothe me in Your glory!
Psalm 103:9 is AMAZING.
Our pastor talked about P103 on Sunday and challenged us to read it every day this week.
Sadly, I did not accept the challenge.
But verse nine hits me hard:
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever.
The Message puts it a little differently.
But still, it knocks me over.
I have a note in my NIV Study Bible (given to me from the church for Confirmation) that I read P103 in June of 2009. I’m trying to place what was happening then that I would’ve been reading the Psalms. It was a Monday. Why was reading the Psalms on a Monday?
This is so sad. I can’t remember why I was reading this passage.
But I was, and I made a couple of little notes, including underlining verses 11 and 12 and reminding myself that “covenant” (see verse 18) means “promise.” Also, writing “Steve Green” next to verse 5 because it’s part of a song.
Anyway. We read this at a leader meeting this last week and YP asked us to pick a favorite verse from the chapter.
I already knew mine from Sunday. Nine, duh! So I scribbled an asterisk next to it.
But I didn’t share.
Because I feel awkward sharing in groups.
But I wasn’t the only one who didn’t speak up.
I have trouble wrapping my head around v9, because WHAT? God doesn’t stay mad at us?
I have trouble not being mad.
At myself, anyway.
Like, Thursday night I made a mistake. Probably not a huge one, but I’d been told something and then did just about the opposite. I don’t think any major harm was done, because I kept part of what was needed and remembered the important info. And I wasn’t chewed out (or worse, FIRED) via phone or anything. But still.
I didn’t realize it until like three hours later, and mentally destroyed myself for it. It was part of the reason I didn’t sleep very well that night.
Being mad at other people?
I’m upset about other people messing up for maybe a week tops.
It’s not like I bring it up in conversation: “Hey, you did this two days ago and it made me mad!”
I just think about it for a bit, maybe try to justify it, and pretty much forget it. It might stay in my brain for a year or something, pop back up at random times, but I don’t go freaking out on the person to make them feel bad or anything.
My brain, on the other hand, likes to torture me.
For the longest time, I couldn’t look at or drive by a specific area without remembering that “Oh yeah, that’s where I screwed up by doing this.”
Sometimes they’re little things, like accidentally giving somone the wrong date or time for something, or calling someone the wrong name.
Sometimes they’re larger.
But always the guilt remains.
And it sucks.
Why do I do this to myself?
Often we view God as human.
We were made in His image, right?
Well, yeah, but not exactly. I mean, if we were created in His physical image, there would be no women because God’s always referred to as male. Right?
We view God as a human, like we are.
In my case, I can’t get over the fact that He doesn’t hold grudges. Because I do. (Again, mostly against myself.)
It’s so hard for us to comprehend that God doesn’t do stuff like that.
But He’s perfect.
…Am I losing you?
I think my being tired is affecting the quality of my posting.
Long story short: I need to stop holding grudges. Because God doesn’t. So why should I??