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Today at work was okay.

Kinda slow, but that’s normal.

We had pizza for lunch, though.

That was awesome. =)

Ummm… Oh, I had to drive to that one town that’s like 20 miles away.

Got home with like 45 minutes to get ready for my church thing.

Um.

I checked emails, changed clothes, showered, changed again…

And I got there like two minutes before we were supposed to start and I was the only one there for like five minutes.

I kept looking around going, “Um, we said this time on this night, right????”

And then my Sunday night co-leader showed up and as we were walking up the driveway to YP’s house the rest straggled in.

We talked, prayed, ate, and played BuzzWord!!

*happydance*

We left a half hour after the time YP said he’d start kicking us out. =P

I was the last to leave—by like a minute!

Not like last time we had leader night at YP’s, when I stayed an extra freaking two hours or something.

But our final little conversation was about how I don’t want to leave next year.

I don’t.

I’m so excited for everything that’s happening here, and I don’t want it to end.

Right now, as I type and think about it, I’m fighting back the sting of tears, it’s so painful a thought.

I’m glad I’m getting deeper.

I’m debating whether or not I’m glad it took this long.

I’m glad that I’m excited for Revolution.

I’m glad I know which college I’m going to (FINALLY).

I’m glad God’s working in me.

I’m glad that I’m getting to know the JHers and at least the Fresh girls.

I’m glad that I’ve decided (tentatively) on a major.

I’m glad that BU is only like two hours from here.

I’m glad… that “here” is changing.

But I’m not so glad that I have to leave.

I want to stay here.

YP insisted that moving next year will “grow you.”

Well, yeah. I know that. And I wanna grow.

But I wanna grow HERE.

I want to keep learning and growing with these kids, my girls especially.

Ugh.

*sigh*

I’ll probably cry next August.

Like, bawl my eyes out the day I leave, and when my parents leave me at my dorm, and for the first freaking TWO WEEKS of Junior year. Or something.

I’m a homebody.

I don’t like sudden change (not that this is sudden; it’s been freaking more than 20 years in the making), and I don’t like leaving my bubble.

But I’m learning.

I’m learning to step out of my comfort zone.

Part of today’s chapter of OMTL was about waiting. (Also about going after your dreams, but more on that later.)

The Shooks compared life to a waiting room, and I totally thought of this.

When you say “no” help me trust even though there’s a reason I can’t understand…

Also this.

I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience. While I’m waiting, I will serve You. While I’m waiting, I will worship. While I’m waiting, I will not fail. I’ll be running the race even while I wait. I’m waiting; I’m waiting on You, Lord, and I am peaceful. I’m waiting on You, Lord, though it’s not easy, but faithfully, I will wait.

Oh, how this applies to me right now.

Bold and confident?

Yeah, not so much.

Peaceful?

Um, not really.

…it’s not easy…

Got that right.

But I have to wait.

“Why does God send everyone through the waiting room of life? I believe it’s because He wants us to learn to rely on Him. God is preparing us to fulfill the dream by teaching us to trust Him. While we’re waiting, we learn that He is right there with us and promises that “never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). We may not understand what God is doing at the time, but we can always trust His heart.” (pg 53)

I want to do so much.

I have so many goals, so many things I’d like to do.

I want to travel.

I want to get married (sometimes; other times I’m not so sure).

And more.

Mostly, I want to STAY HERE. (Or rather, some dinky little town nearby where I know everyone.)

I can’t travel from here.

I could use here as my home base, come back here in between trips.

I could stay conected via Facebook, phone, email, etc.

But if I stay here, I can’t do some of the things I want to do.

UGH.

The Shooks say on page 50-51 that “God has put us here for a reason and planted dreams within us so we can do our part in seeing them realized. Whether we we have thirty days or thirty years, we want to leave this life on earth without regrets. “If only’s” and “what-ifs” will haunt us unless we know that we poured ourselves into bringing our unique dreams to life. Many people, however, have no idea what their dreams are and what they really want in life. Don’t you feel this way at times? … If a dream is from God, it will be so big in your life that you can’t do it on your own.”

But my problem is, I’m not sure which of my dreams can be accomplished on my own, and which are going to be God things.

I suppose travel is a God thing.

Marriage probably is too.

Now that I think about it, I guess a lot of my dreams are God-things.

*sigh*

Guess I’ll work on waiting on Him, then…

Prayer would be appreciated.

Tomorrow is Sunday.

That means Sunday school, church, and Group time!

I was asked to bring dessert/snack for tomorrow night, so I’m going to bake a cake. Or cupcakes. Whichever.

I should probably do some homework, too…

But at any rate, hopefully tomorrow is good.

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