Debating.

There’s a funeral/memorial service tomorrow morning for the boy I mentioned on Monday, the one who died Halloween weekend in a car accident.

I am SO SICK of car accidents taking young lives.

I mentioned on Facebook today that I wasn’t sure if I should go to the funeral or if I should go to Stats class.

Then a friend commented that the prof should understand and that life is more than just math.

And tonight after Coram Deo (which was amazing, by the way, but more on that later), I mentioned it to YP and he said “Go.”

He said something about being support for others or something, and now I’m like overananlyzing and “What the frick, was that supposed to be a compliment or something?”

Anyway. I’m stuck.

I’m leaning toward going to the funeral, even though I didn’t really know the guy very well. And we’re beginning to review for our math test next week.

But… I kind of think I need to go to the funeral. You know?

I dunno if it’s a remorse/regret thing, like I regret not taking more time to get to know him (to be honest, I labeled him as one of those kids I wanted to stay away from. Shame. On. Me!) and now I feel like I owe it to him to go to his funeral or… what. But I think I ought to go.

I mean, I’m tired of funerals (this’d be my third in three years), but I wouldn’t be able to concentrate in Stats anyway, knowing that the funeral was happening at the same time.

I emailed the prof to let her know that there’s a possibility I won’t be in class, and that if I am in class I’ll probably be distracted anyway.

So now it’s just a matter of deciding and possibly convincing my mother that I need to be at the funeral instead of in math class.

Actually, scratch “convincing my mother”—she just told me she can’t decide for me. And I told her I feel I need to go.

So I’ll probably go.

Supposedly everyone’s wearing superhero shirts to the funeral ’cause D LOVED Marvel heroes.

Now I wish I’d bought this:

I only date superheroes.

or this one:

Superheroes are awesome.

Not even kidding you, my friend Britt and I found these at Kohl’s or someplace on a Christmas break trip a couple years ago. It was AWESOME.

The closest thing I have to a superhero shirt is my “God is my superhero” one. Which I doubt is quite appropriate…

So I’m going through my closet tonight to find something that is appropriate.

Because I’ve decided that I’m going to the funeral.

Because I’m not failing yet.

And because I went to school with this guy and am in town and… yeah, I’m going.

Coram Deo

Latin. In Your presence, God.

There were literally about seven of us that joined the “worship team” (like six people on instruments and vocals) for this event. Partly because I think it was just a spur-of-the-moment decision, maybe? But anyway. Not many showed up, which was fine.

Songs included:

It. Was. AWESOME.

Like, no joke.

I sat the entire time.

I wrote down the lyrics that struck me.

I will be Picnik’ing photos that include some of the lyrics soon.

But here are a bunch that hit me tonight:

With Abandon

  • touch Your heart, my worship found true
  • surrender all I am to discover all You are; I’ll do anything You ask just to bless Your heart
  • all I want to do is be pleasing, Lord, to You

Our God

  • out of the ashes we rise

I added “phoenix; rebirth” next to this.

More Than Amazing

  • You are amazing, more than amazing
  • forever our God, more than enough
  • set the captives free
  • God who washed our feet
  • O how marvelous, oh how wonderful, oh how glorious You are
  • 

From the Inside Out

  • everlasting, never-ending
  • the ART of losing myself in bringing You praise
  • consume me from the inside out
  • let justic and praise become my embrace to love You from the inside out
  • and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise. From the inside out, Lord, my SOUL cries out!

Mighty to Save

  • Everyone needs compassion/forgiveness
  • take me as You find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again
  • everything I believe in, I surrender
  • God You are mighty to save! You are mighty to save! You rose and conquered the grave; yes, You conquered the grave!

Reaching For You

  • I know that You’re not finished with me yet
  • giving my heart to know You, living my life to serve You
  • faithful to fulfill Your grace in me
  • Pull me closer than ever before!

How Great Thou Art

  • I scarce can take it in
  • that on the cross, my burden GLADLY BEARING, He bled and died to take away my sin
  • then sings my SOUL, my savior, God to Thee

Amazing Grace

  • ’twas grace that taught my heart to fear
  • my chains are gone, I’ve been set free; my God my savior has ransomed me

I wrote “God” on the line above “fear” and drew a line connecting them.

Soyeah. That was my evening.

Oh, and the meeting. Which went fine. Was over in like a half hour.

…Eeeee-yup. That’s my life currently.

Please be praying for the family of the guy whose funeral I’m going to? His name was Dane, and he was married and had a little boy. His baby is only eight months old, and they’d only been married for like two months. I think prayer would be appreciated.

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