Quoth this guy:
… in Macbeth.
Which we had to read in AP Lit Senior year.
It’s also the title of a book and a movie. Which I didn’t know until I Googled the phrase.
But that’s not my point, nor is it the reason I am writing this.
My point is, today has not been the greatest of days.
Sure, I slept for nine hours last night (woke up about 9:30, which isn’t too terribly abnormal).
Sure, I get to make cookie dough later.
Sure, my mom has decided that we’re eating pizza for supper.
Sure, I helped rip up carpet.
But while ripping up carpet (or rather, the staples used to secure carpet and pad to wood layer), I screwed up my own day.
My sister was talking about how she and some friends are possibly going to [Narnia: VDT] on opening night. In another town, close to where the wedding is the next day.
She was talking about how they might have to rent a hotel room for the night, and about who else might go.
I said I’d love to go with, but would probably not be welcome.
My mom made a comment, which then made me think.
I thought and thought and had an imaginary conversation (which I do often).
Said imaginary conversation made me cry.
This was not pleasant.
I had to go to the bathroom to blow my nose and dry my eyes.
What about this imaginary conversation made me cry, you ask?
It was me explaining to the potential movie-goers why I didn’t think they’d want me tagging along.
There was more to it, but it was essentially me blurting out everything I mentioned in [this post], and then some.
How I don’t feel loved or wanted or valued.
How I feel awkward in groups, especially groups of people who flat-out ignore me.
How I don’t like interrupting or feeling as though I’m bothering people, and therefore hang back and don’t initiate.
All of that fun stuff.
[Tina] wrote a post about negative junk a while back, buuut I can’t find the exact one I’m thinking of. Sad day. It was something about a barrage of completely random negative thoughts that had pretty much no source. Or something like that.
Today was one of those days for me!
I mean, my negative crap kind of had a source (my self-esteem issues), but I think the deeper source is called “Satan.”
Or, if you’re in Narnia, I suppose you’d say it was because of the wonderful Ms. Jadis:
Yeah, I know that it’s “always somebody else’s fault”, but for real! Satan’s [prowling around] out there, looking for people to destroy. And by “destroy,” I mean he lies, cheats, pushes, pulls, whispers, and uses just about every other tactic in the book to beat you down. He thrives on anger, fear, jealousy, pain, and hatred.
Meh. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, do I?
I think you get me.
So I’ll leave with a lovely picture of Mr. Aslan, because he makes me happy!
PS: Does anyone else find it ironic that we refer to Jesus as [Lion of Judah], and Satan is also referred to as a prowling lion? Hm.
PPS: “Aslan” = Turkish for “lion.” And “Simba” = Swahili for “lion.” Clever!