A few weeks ago, a friend/classmate of mine posted on Facebook something like “Anyone who has a problem with homosexuals needs to get out my life. Now.”

Today, I searched him, because I hadn’t been getting updates from him. (I miss his updates. Some of them.)

Turns out, he unfriended me.

Because I’m one of those Christians who “has a problem” with homosexuality.

I feel like crying.

This guy is funny, talented, and going places. (If he gets on broadway or something, I’m going to see him.)

We met in school, had French class (and one or two other classes) together.

I’m pretty sure he knew I was a Christian, and he’s had issues with Christians in the past.

But I considered him a friend.

He shared a few songs with me on Facebook, received and gave artistic advice from/to one of my best friends…

The problems started when we got into debates on homosexuality and stuff.

Obviously, he feels strongly.

So do I.

I remember one day, we were arguing, and the next, his status read “Forget about it.” (Not those words exactly, more words, but you get the point.)

Like, don’t worry about it.

In forgiveness, I thought.

And I thought, Why can’t Christians be like you?

I remember messaging him one day Senior year, telling him that I was proud of him for pushing on, for accomplishing so much despite all the crap he’d been through. That even though our views differed, I’d be there if he needed an ear.

He came to my graduation party (09).

It must’ve fallen apart last year (10).

I don’t know.

I’m confused.

And I’m upset.

I’m upset with myself for screwing up and sounding like a jerk in our debates.

I’m upset with myself for making such a big deal of this.

I’m upset with myself for being confused about homosexuality. The more I read, the more I feel conflicted.

I’m upset with myself for not knowing what I believe anymore.

I’m upset with HIM for unfriending me over a sexuality thing.

He got upset with people for going to see the Twilight movies (and I think buying the books) because profits go toward the LDS church, and the LDS church hates gays and whatnot.

I wrote this in response (for myself; never shared it with him, unless he paid attention to my Facebook statuses/updates):

If I wrote a book that interested you—idk what, but something—would you buy it?

Why?

Okay, that same book, but I give a portion of the profits to a cause you don’t believe in?

Still gonna buy it?

Guess what.

If you wrote a book that interested me and gave the profits to a cause I didn’t believe in, I’d still buy the stinkin’ book.

Why?

Because I believe IN YOU.

There may have been more to his unfriending me than just homosexuality. I don’t know. All I know is it was his choice.

He said several times in status updates that anybody who didn’t agree with homosexuality needed to get out of his life. I could’ve unfriended him, but I didn’t. Because… because I don’t know. Because I wanted to be friends.

Apparently we can’t be friends.

At least not until I change my views?

Oy.

And then, just now, I checked two of my best friends’ Friends lists, and he’s on one list but not another.

The friend whose list he is on is one who never challenged him.

This is annoying to me.

I needed to vent.

I now need to curl up and sleep for days.

But I will not be able to sleep, because I feel so conflicted.

I hope tomorrow’s sermon kicks me in the butt, because I need it. I need something to snap me out of all this blah. I need a reminder of…something. I don’t know what, but I need something!

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