Flawless Friday: Aware.

Tags

40 days of beauty, awareness, Flawless Friday, scars, self-harm, suicide, To Write Love On Her Arms, TWLOHA

Flawless Friday!

40 days

AWARE.

That was what I wrote on my hand yesterday.

I didn’t take a picture (had planed to), but I wrote it in black Sharpie over an orange heart.

For National Self-Injury (or Suicide?) Awareness Day.

And I wore my TWLOHA shirt.

Because they fit together.

I learned that yesterday was an awareness day Wednesday night via Tumblr.

(Have I mentioned I love the internet?)

Before I went to bed Wednesday night, I pulled my TWLOHA shirt out of my drawer and set it out for yesterday morning (which has become a habit on weeknights–makes the mornings go quicker).

And yesterday morning I drew an orange heart on the back of my hand with a highlighter and wrote “AWARE” within the heart.

No one mentioned it.

But if just one person noticed my shirt or the heart and got curious enough to Google “To Write Love On Her Arms” or “orange heart” or something, it was worth it.

“Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.”

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No one likes to talk about it, but it needs to be discussed.

Tags

60 Days Later, blogiversary, love, suicide, video, Zach

Suicide, that is.

No, I’m not going to link you to the definition, because that might include ways people commit suicide, and that could be a trigger for someone who’s struggling.

I just wanted to share with you something that one of my friends shared this morning.

Remember this?

The parents of the boy who took his own life have posted a video about losing him, and about suicide in general. I’d encourage you to take the 5 or so minutes out of your day and watch it. I was just about in tears earlier this morning.

Yes, this does maybe give you an idea of where I live. (If you’re paying attention.)

No, that doesn’t bother me as much as it would’ve a year ago.

Just don’t come stalking me or anything. 

~*~

Also, yesterday was the one-year anniversary of when I started blogging.

Blog-i-versary, as it’s called by many.

And I missed it.

Oops.

Oh well! 🙂

A year.

Twelve months.

Three hundred and twenty nine (330 with this one) posts.

Over 900 comments.

That’s crazy!

When I started blogging, I didn’t really care about number of “followers” or how often I would blog or how many “hits” I’d get every day or anything like that.

I was just blogging to blog.

Just writing to share my thoughts and my heart.

And look how far it’s gotten me!

Three hundred and thirty posts. That’s almost a post a day! 😀

In a year, I have shared a lot.

I’m not going to list everything here, because I’m in a bit of a hurry (helping someone move today!) and I have no idea how I’d categorize all of these posts, so I’ll let you look for yourself.

But to think.

Without this blog, I might not have learned some of the things I’ve learned.

Without connecting with some other bloggers, I might not have grown as much as I have.

Without sharing my thoughts and dreams and frustrations here, I might have kept them all hidden inside.

Without this blog, I might not be the person I am.

And you had a hand in that!

So thank you! For encouraging, for sharing, for long, for praying, and of course for reading!

I appreciate it all.

♥

It’s happening again.

Tags

heartbroken, suicide, youth group

Today at school I heard that two more people had committed suicide, in a town around an hour south of here, an hour and a half south of the town where there were two suicides two weeks ago.

They were the same age as some of my Sunday group girls.

I think my heart is breaking all over again.

Last night at small group, which was actually large group because we combined groups, we talked about witnessing.

It evolved into a discussion of kindness and relationships in general.

And watching your words.

Because you don’t know what’s going on with other people, and everything you say has an effect, whether you know it or not. And you don’t know what effect your words are going to have. They may take it a completely different way then how you mean it.

That’s it for now.

I can’t think straight in order to say anything more.

My brain is all jumbled.

And now I need to get ready for work…

Flawless Friday: Love & Suicide

Tags

Bible, Flawless Friday, love, prayer, suicide, worth

Just a forewarning: if you are struggling or have struggled with suicide and the mention of things related to or methods of suicide affect(s) you negatively, please don’t feel like you have to read this post. In fact, you may not want to read it.

Flawless Friday!

Yeah, weird post title.

But it’s what’s on my mind (and my heart) tonight.

See, tonight at work I found out that a 9th grade (14 or 15 year old) girl hanged herself earlier this week.

And then when I got home, I mentioned it to my parents, and Mom said that apparently there was another suicide this afternoon.

At work, a friend/coworker said that she’d heard that this girl’s ex-boyfriend (or something) had said he was going to kill himself because she killed herself.

It breaks my heart.

Her Prom date or boyfriend (or whomever) dumped her.

And she was supposedly maybe being bullied.

And so she killed herself.

I don’t know the whole story. There may be more to it.

But it breaks my heart just the same.

People commit suicide every day (I think) for a variety of reasons.

My coworkers both said they’d never kill themselves over a guy.

You don’t know that.

You never know what you’d do. It depends on your mental state.

And the early teens are a crap time.

People are so… cruel, really.

Check out this vid starting at about 15:25-ish until around 17:00 or so. (And actually, check out Kate’s vlogs in general… A little inappropriate at times, but hey. That’s life.) Kate is awesome, and I believe her when she talks about her teenage years being not so great. But it does. get. better.

If you’re someone who’s been struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts or the thought that you’re not worth anything, please.

Please.

Please.

PLEASE.

Know that it does get better.

It can get better.

You are loved.

You are valued.

You are special and cared for and thought about constantly.

There is no one who can take your place.

Take it from me.

I may just be a girl behind a computer screen, but I know. I’ve been there.

And I want you to know that life does get better.

There is hope. Rescue is possible.

Tonight I’d like to offer a Hymn For the Missing, and to let you know that the Best is Yet to Come.

And I’d like to pray for you.

Yes, you. My dear, dear friend.

Father God, I believe that You have a plan for each and everyone of us, Your cherished children.
I believe that You mourn when we mourn, and rejoice when we rejoice.
I believe that You want the best for us.
So I give You my friend.
I pray that You protect them, that You wrap them in Your arms.
I pray that You watch over them and guide them.
I pray that they know that they can always go to You with any issue, big or small.
I pray that they let someone else know that they’ve been struggling: a parent, a pastor, a trusted adult.
I pray that they get help if needed.
I pray that they know that it gets better, and they are not alone.
I pray that they don’t give up, even in the darkest hours; that something will be a light to break through that darkness and lift them out of the pit of despair.
I pray that You fill them with love and light and hope.
Amen.

30 Days of Truth: Day 26 + Flawless Friday a day late

Tags

30 days of Truth, Flawless Friday, giving up, masks, suicide

So I realized sometime after posting yesterday’s… post… that I’d forgotten about Flawless Friday!!

But then I realized that today’s post topic would fit FF okay. So, here we go!

Flawless Friday!

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like ****.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough *** days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

To answer today’s question:

Yes.

I have felt like giving up on life.

More times than I can count.

Perhaps next week after I get home (currently house-sitting. #onemoreday!  (Can you tell I enjoy Twitter? ;))) I’ll give you a glimpse into some of my journals from some crappy times.

For now, though, I’ll just share the basics.

The main reason I have ever felt like giving up is basically because nobody cares.

Or, at least, that’s how it feels.

It feels like nobody cares.

It feels like nobody’s listening.

It feels like there’s nobody to turn to.

It feels like the entire world is conspiring against you.

It feels like nothing is going right.

I felt alone.

But it was all in my head.

That’s the thing.

I was making myself believe that I was alone, unloveable, and worthless.

I was pulling myself deeper and deeper into this pit of despair.

I can’t tell you how many times I thought about suicide.

I never really talked about it with anyone, but inside, I was struggling.

And then the littlest thing would pull me out of the pit.

Like today.

I wasn’t necessarily depressed, but I was feeling kind of blah.

During my lunch break, I ran into a couple from church, who said hello and stuff.

And then she told me that can always tell me when I’m running screen at church, because the timing is pretty much perfect.

I smiled for the next couple of hours.

It made.my.day.

It made me feel wanted, loved, and valued.

If today had been an even worse day, or week (and it’s been an interesting week), that comment would’ve pulled me out of it, probably.

All it takes is one little thing.

You never know what people are feeling.

We’re good at masking our feelings when we really want to.

We’re good at ignoring the truth, to be honest. If we don’t like something, we tend to our backs on it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

This is dangerous. Like in situations where someone is struggling. Sometimes we can tell, but we’re not sure what to do about it, so we ignore it.

We really ought to quit ignoring it.

Um. Wow. That turned into a bit of a rant, didn’t it? Haha.

Mkay, I’m done now. 🙂