I’ve learned some things in the last less-than-24 hours.
My sister spent the night here last night.
Because today she goes to the airport for a weekend trip to see family and check out a school.
And school is relatively close to the airport, at least closer than home.
And she didn’t have classes today.
So she drove here after classes yesterday.
She got here around 7, a bit later than I thought she would.
Her GPS stopped working and she had to call our mom to get directions.
And then she got turned around when she was on campus as to how to get to my room. Oops.
But she found me!
And we went out for dinner, because we were both hungry.
And then we just hung out the rest of the night, until around an hour ago when she left.
Her flight isn’t until tonight, but she’s going to run some errands and when she gets bored of shopping she’s going to head to the airport.
It’s not like there’s anything super-exciting to do on-campus with your boring older sister who has nothing to do all day, right?
So she’s off doing her own thing.
Now, she’s very much an independent person.
She goes places by herself.
She’s driven herself to visit friends up to I suppose four hours away from home several times this (school) year.
I pointed that out to my mom once and she made a comment about independence or something, and I said something like, “She also has more friends than I do.”
Because it’s true. She has more friends to go see than I do.
When I’m home, I hang out with four close friends, max.
Sister, on the other hand, has multiple friends to spend time with.
She needs people.
She’s an extrovert. She has to be around people.
She has her alone time, but if she’s not doing something with people, she’s bored.
I, on the other hand, am a freaking recluse.
I don’t make friends easily.
I don’t leave my room much because I haven’t made too many friends with whom I feel I can hang out with randomly.
My roommate has people over sometimes (I think we’re hosting food and games tonight), but aside from my family coming to visit on very rare occasions, nobody’s here for me.
Sometimes (like now) it hurts.
Sometimes not having friends around, not being invited to do things, hurts.
Sometimes, if I think about it too much, it hurts so much that I cry.
I know that I’m an introvert, that I can’t stand being around too many people for too long.
I know that there are certain people I can’t stand in general.
And I know that half the time I reject invitations to do things for various reasons.
But even with all that said, sometimes I just want people to ask me to do stuff.
I want to know that people are thinking about me.
I want to feel that people actually care that I exist.
Is that too much to ask?